The Language of Heughanology

COPH:      The COHP (Chief and Only High Priestess) is the final arbiter of all that is Heughan because she is the Creator of the Church of Heughanology.   Any income or benefits granted to the Church of Heughanology are directly retained by the COHP (which there is no income and few benefits, i.e. a back stage press pass to Comic Con.)  The COHP will be entitled to an annual trip to the Mother Ship of Planet Hueghan (currently in negotiation) because it sounds like a great perk.

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Droolrash:   A medical condition, non-scientifically proven by @KatStan4444, resulting from the saliva that comes out of your mouth during kegeltingles and eyegasms.  Often an itchy rash develops in any area the drool touches.    Antibiotic ointment can be effective.

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Exploding Ovaries:   Explosions occur when eyegasms, drool rash and kegeltingles happen simultaneously.  Heughanologists have ovaries that restore themselves after every explosion.

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Eyegasm:  This is when one or both of a follower’s eyes explode from looking at Sam’s gloriousness in pictures, video and GIFs.

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Fanmily:  A phenomena where Heughanologists begin to treat each other like family rather than fellow fans.  A great deal of animosity can be garnered, especially from our real families.  Go figure.

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Ghetto Dance:  Specific dance Sam did in the movie, “A Princess for Christmas” where he demonstrated his hip shaking, ghetto gang signs, and his great sense of rhythm.   Needs to be careful of wearing appropriately neutral gang colors when he is in neighborhoods in Los Angeles.

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Hand Sex:   The many scenes of Sam and Caitriona holding hands in Outlander.  Often there is back/ forth or in / out movement involved.  Censors are suggesting they put a cover over their hands or wear gloves because it is too suggestive.  Starz has dug in their collective heels and refuse to acquiesce to censors (After all it isn’t on the level of Spartacus because no one except Geordie has come close to losing his family jewels).

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Horse Porn:  Sam loves horses and is often seen riding or standing by them.  Some horses even have their tongues hanging out (just like us).  The difference is that he doesn’t ride us.  It can also apply to the favorite sexual position used by Jamie a character Sam plays in Outlander.  We were unable to ascertain if this is Sam’s favorite position in real life as of this writing.

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Kegeltingles:  This word was developed by a follower @beulahcrusoe, who also acts as our Kegeltingles expert.    Kegeltingles (KT for short)  are the feelings women have deep inside their vaginal walls when looking at Sam naked, humping, smoldering, and spanking (sometimes all at the same time) his partner.    It is what author, Diana Gabaldon, described as a visceral feeling that she had when she first saw Sam’s ”fine ass”. (Gabaldon, 2013)   Coincidentally, there is a direct correlation between KT and improving symptoms of female incontinency, so we consider it a wellness approach.

For practical demonstration of kegeltingles - watch above

For practical demonstration of kegeltingles – watch above

Kilt Etiquette:  Related to both Knee and Thigh porn in that we hope Sam never learns Kilt Etiquette.  Spread the word.

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The Kilt Drops Here

 

Knee Porn:  A phenomenon directed at Sam when he wears a kilt.  This our right to look at as many pictures of his knees as we can find.  Often comments and arrows are liberally attached.

 

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Mature Risqué:  A warning classification coined by @BoolaBeullah that falls anywhere in between mature audience and XXX.   It is a term reserved for memes and/or comments that some might find offensive or wish they had said/made them and are acting offended.  Fair Warning!

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Permaswoon: Condition coined by @HCKYGRL72 after she met Sam Heughan in person.   He called her “Sweetie”.  Symptoms include sweating, dizziness, tingly fingers (from trying not to touch him), and a dazed appearance.  Incurable as the “perma” implies.  She can hardly drive to work.  She is applying for disability through an authorized Permaswoon Attorney.

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Note the woman behind Sam. She is in the early stages of permaswoon. TAKE YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM BIG NANDSOME MAN, SWEETIE!

Samfriggintabulous:  A descriptor from @susangaj that is used when something Heughan is beyond fabulous.  Even though we are tempted to describe everything about him like this,use this word sparingly.  Otherwise, it will have no import.

Scottish Fro:   A phenomena that appears right after Sam has a fresh perm or a new hairdresser and is an aberration in his otherwise perfect coiffure.  Resembles the Afro, but the hair is red.  Can resemble Richard Simmons hairdo in “Sweating to the Oldies.”   (HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS OF JAMIE FRASER’S HAIR)

 

SCottish Fro

 

Smolder:  This word is often used to describe when Sam focuses his attention on someone.  It feels as if, he has flames coming out of his eyes and they are burning into your very soul.  Can cause eyegasms, drool rash and kegeltingles, although not always together as in exploding ovaries.

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Splittage:  (coined by @BevH111)  A mathematical formula to calculate the size of each fan’s ownership portion of Sam’s body.  As the fandom increases, the size of your Sam piece, decreases.  R (more fans)= O
(smaller bits of Sam)

Before he invented the bagel, Einstein developed the Sam Fandom Proportional Segmentation formula.

Before he invented the bagel, Einstein developed the Sam Fandom Proportional Segmentation formula.

Tease Expertise: The art of revealing almost all of an area on Sam’s body, without actually showing much of anything.  This can be very difficult during high winds and rainstorms.  Starz is particularly talented in Tease Expertise.

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Thigh Porn:  Similar to Knee Porn, but higher up on the leg.  The goal is to see the family jewels.  Sam can be walking, sitting or jumping off his horse when this occurs.

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Twitter Incontinency:    A condition that results from Heughanologists receiving highly shocking or extremely witty tweets which can result in peeing in your pants.  The length of time you have been sitting at the computer, the amount of fluids consumed, and the condition of your kegels can affect the amount and frequency of incidents.   Although it is a personal preference, use of adult incontinency briefs while tweeting about Sam is recommended. @ladybay8 has given an unsolicited testimonial:   “I never had incontinence until I started Twitter. 

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Twitter Tree: Used only in emergency circumstances.  Twitter Tree designees are assigned specific branches of the Heughanology family to contact in order to disseminate important information such as family jewel sightings, especially gratuitous tongue kissing and/or explicit sexual content warnings on certain Outlander episodes or other works in which Sam is involved.   Monthly T.T. drills are run to prevent panic.

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25 thoughts on “The Language of Heughanology

  1. Late to the party dear Priestess, please forgive my trespasses, but know that the hysterical captions and memes have lifted my spirits and induced my KTs to the point that The Church is a routine part of my wellness program. Thank you.

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    1. I might do on-line courses next year. Will keep you on the líst. I am so pleased when CoH followers want to grow n their knowledge of the awesome Mr. Heughan. Off to get ready for my close up! Yours in Heughanology, Norma D

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  2. Oh mighty resplendent CoHP, I present to you thru painstaking research for your eternal Archives of Heughanology… The exact historical moment *kegel tingles* was born and who were my Midwives as those pulsating words flowed from my ..soul: I tweeted to:
    ” @megaridis @joanapolis @BonnyPortmore @BethBbmillr3308 @Yr_Obt_Svt . . . I’m frickin shameless. that big MANLY man = *kegel tingles* 11:48pm 8 Nov 2014 ”

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    Julie Walters Connie Sandlin Elflander

    11:48 PM – 8 Nov 2014

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    1. We always appreciate input for improvements . The CoH wants to be both inclusive and transparent! I will correct this immediately after I finish my facial. Getting ready for the close up, you know. Fondly, Norma D

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    1. This is Norma D, your COHP. I am pleased that you benefitted from the knowledge shared by the church. I am here to embrace new Heughanologists. Please worship often. I have to go now, Mr.DeMille is waiting and I need my turban. Fondly, Norma D

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ahhh, o’ wise and wonderful COHP, I am humbled to be counted amongst the flock and aware of the honor given my word (which denotes beyond fantastic, as well) by its inclusion herein and thereby disseminated for use by the faithful to the glory of the Heughan (Himself)! xx

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    1. As Chief and Only High Priestess of the Church of Heughanology, I welcome all who are true believers. Having a safe place for those who cherish all that is Sam Heughan, is invaluable to our mental health. I am here to embrace and accept you! Please follow so you can be notified of new items on the site. I must run along. Costume fitting for my close up! Fondly, Norma D

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    1. Dearest Rachel, I am so pleased to embrace you into the Church of Heughanology. Please direct any questions my way. It is a pleasure to be able to unite those with a common interest in Himself. I have to go through my script for my close up. Not sure why, it is a silent film, but I must for my art. Thank you. Fondly Norma D.

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  4. Oh! High Priestess… I bow in awe of your superior knowledge, and vocabulary, in hopes that one day, not too far in the future, I may attain the aforementioned skills and wisdom. I am forever your faithful follower in all thinks related to the Church of Heughanology.

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    1. As Chief and Only High Priestess, I am proud to welcome you! True believers will study this site often and learn new things. I thank you for your support. I’m off to see Mr. DeMille so we can talk about my close up! Fondly, Norma D.

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    1. Dear Breast, all you have to do is become a follower. All true believers in all that is Sam Heughan are welcome. As COHP, I am pleased to serve as the curator and your guide into the mysteries of the Church. I must go now, my car is waiting. Off to the studio.

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  5. This is AWESOME! All Sam fans are going to be instantly addicted to this site. I will definitely be checking constantly for new tidbits to enjoy and learn from. I’m very proud to have my “droolrash” included as one of the Sam – induced conditions. 🙂 Have you considered setting this up as an online course? Attendance would be through the roof! Thank you! Kathleen @katstan4444

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As COHP of the Church of Heughanology, I am always open to new experiences, so on-line courses might be beneficial. More importantly, I am grateful to have touched a spark of commonality among all who adore Sam Heughan. The family that stays together, does. On behalf of Himself, I welcome you to the fold! Fondly, Norma D.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh most supreme COHP, this is the most comprehensive source of Heughanology in the celestial Scottish Sam-skies, and I am honored to have my *kegel tingles* & #kegeltingles included amongst these Church of Heughanology Giants. I thank ye on bended knee.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am happy that we did you justice. All are welcome to worship at the Church of Heughanology. There are no doubts you are a loyal follower of himself. I am finishing my facial so I can be ready for Mr. deMille. Must toddle off! Your comments were very kind. Norma D. COHP

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    1. Thank you! As the COHP, all will be revealed at a later time. You can consider yourself a member as long as you are a true believer and not just a faux fan. I am ready for my close up Mr. DeMille, so I must bid you adieu.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. All loyal Heughanologists are welcome to participate in this site. As COHP, I embrace Sam’s acolytes with enthusiasm. Gotta go get a facial for my close up. Fondly, Norma D

        Liked by 1 person

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