Hello, my BUBULAS! Linda Richman here with this week’s Coffee Talk. I’m tickled to be back to tell you the news about Outlander! Don’t forget our call in number 555-4444, if you have any comments or questions. For those of you who might not know, Outlander is a book series that turned into a TV show on STARZ.
I know, I know, Starz with all that nudity, violence and cursing! But this show is different. Well there is cursing, but it’s mostly in Gaelic, except for Claire who swears like a drunken Starz pirate . Of course she makes it sound elegant with her snooty British accent.
There’s also violence, like when B. J. Randall tortured the hero, Jamie, in Wentworth prison by putting his shpilkis in Jamie’s genechtagazoink .
There’s some nudity, too, but the bodies are so Georgeous, I can’t keep my eyes off them! Well, really I’m only into Jamie’s body. He’s played by the actor Sam Heughan. Ladies, he is HMMPF! I wish he would have stood on his tippy-toes for this picture.
Anyway, they finished Season 1 last year in early June, and I’ve been Waiting for Outlander ever since. Oh, I took a vacation with my Aunt Schmechle, in Boca Raton, but you can’t stay in a place named “Rat’s Mouth” for long! I did run into my favorite person, Barbara Striesand, who was getting a do-over at the best spa in Boca, “Reincarnation“.
They do wonders with mostly dead skin. They’ve got a Dead Sea Salt Placenta wrap that is to die for! Your skin looks and feels like buttah!
Anyway, Babs was all excited about a concert she was doing in Vegas. I told her how much I adore her and she blushed, right to the tip of that big nose. Secretly, ladies, I think she should have done the nose job way before her Bas Mitzvah! I’m sure she would have been more successful, and Hubble would have married her in “The Way We Were”. She could have played in Funny Girl with a fake schnozzola. What do you think? Talk amongst yourselves.
So, Claire and Jamie end up going to Paris, to change history. See Claire fell through some stones in Scotland and ended up in 1743. (It could happen.) Now, I know of a few of my friends who tried to change their histories. My cousin, Zelda, wanted to marry into a very wealthy family and made up a long history of relatives named Vanderbilt, Hilton and Kennedy. But when her family “sat shiva” at her reception because she married a Gentile, the jig was up! Talk about a Wailing Wall! I’ll give you a topic: How can you change history when it already happened? Discuss.
Getting back to that Sam Heughan. Well, I’d pay a few sheckles just to get some alone time (if you know what I mean) with that tall handsome hunk! Even if he’s a Gentile, and probably not circumcised, I’d still want to dally with his verstecken for a bit. Oh! I’m getting all verklempt and shvetty!
I’m all for the mixing of religions. My cousins are Methodist and Jewish, so their kids are “Mu-Shu”. Another Aunt and Uncle are Jewish and Catholic. Their kids are “Cashews”. It’s all one big melting pot! I’m not sure what his religion is, but I don’t need to worry for a one-night stand, anyway. (I’m not bragging, but I think that’s all he could handle, MPC or not!) I’m famished. Anyone want some cashews?
Now, I hear the Outlander Fandom is hot under the collar for Starz holding up the airing of Season 2. There are all kinds of conspiracy theories. One I heard was that Sam and Cait (actors who play Jamie and Claire) got so tired of being naked, they refused to do the love scenes. Now that’s just plain ridiculous. Have you seen them naked? Do you think either one of them would mind? Have a few drinks, for goodness sake and get on with it! Have some fun! How hard can it be?
Well, it’s getting to be time for the show to end. I’ve had such fun gabbing with all of you! (Ring, Ring) Oh, a call!
This is Linda Richman of Coffee Talk, to whom am I speaking?
(Woman’s Voice) I’m Gilda from Brooklyn. I just want to say how much I love your show. You’re an icon for femininity! That hair, those nails! To die for!”
Gilda, I’m getting so emotional. Where’s my tissue? Give me a minute. There it’s passed.
What a lovely call. Anyway, I’ll be back next time with my guest, Carrie Fisher of Star Wars fame, who will reveal that a certain tall, furry Wookie is really speaking Yiddish very fast!
Now there’s a smart gal who got her nose job in time. Look how famous she is. Babs could learn a few things from her.
So, my meshuga Outlander nudniks, quit your kvetching! Waiting is just life and a whole lotta time. Mazel Tov!
Talk amongst yourselves.