***Best if viewed on PC
It has been one year since we opened The Church of Heughanology. It has been a journey of epic proportions. As of yesterday, we have had 33,000 + hits on this site from over 23 countries. In honor of this milestone in the Church, we have a presentation that features all of the new skills our COHP, the Great and Powerful Norma D, has learned over the past year. (Remember, she was as green as a dead fish, when she started.)
I want to say a special thanks to Tammy B. and Stacey M. for jumping to my rescue when I panicked on this posting! I get by with a little help from my friends.
With the great interest in Star Wars and Outlander, merging the two seemed to be a great idea. I hope you agree.
The story opens with Princess Claire Leia and her crack team of stealth fighters sneaking onto Black Jack Darth Vader’s battle starship to steal the plans for the Wentworth Death Star!
They run through the long corridors trying to be quiet and not attract attention. Princess Claire Leia looks over at Fluke and thinks, “He’s really cute, but I feel like I’m kissing my brother when I’m with him!” Claire shakes her head and tries to concentrate on finding their way through Black Jack Darth Vader’s battle starship so they can get to the plans for the Wentworth Deathstar. Ten Droid Warriors are at the end of the corrider and the team needs a distraction. Fluke signals Rupert R2D2 and Angus 3CPO, to provide one.
As the droid warriors started dancing, Fluke and Claire run into the room labeled “Wentworth Deathstar Planning Room”, grab the plans and return to their high speed airport shuttle. (No one questions why there is only one set of plans for the Deathstar.) They head back to the bar on Tatooine, so they can look over their bounty and throw back a few (Claire Leia is very fond of the drink). It is there that Princess Claire & Fluke run into a big wall of fur, Murtaugh Chewbacca and the tall,handsome, Scottish Privateer, Jamie Han McSolo (although he didn’t look so tall next to Chewbacca).
Princess Claire Leia’s heart does a flip-flop when she sees Jamie. She swigs a shot of whiskey and thinks dreamily, ” He doesn’t have a Light Sabre, but he’s packing! “. Fluke takes one look at the Wookie and runs to the bathroom. It is there that his mentor, Dougal Obi Wan, meets up with him.
After handing Fluke a towel to dry his hands, Dougal Obi Wan warns Fluke that Black Jack Darth Vader and his henchmen are entering the bar to capture Princess Claire Leia and that they should get away fast. Fluke leaves him a tip and runs from the bathroom just in time to see Jamie Han McSolo grab Princess Claire Leia while Murtaugh Chewbacca yells, “Troon” which Fluke takes to mean “Run”. The four get to McSolo’s Winnebago just in time.
Jamie Han McSolo tells them he is taking them to Planet Leoch, where Colum Yoda is vacationing so Luke can get some Jedi mind trick training to overcome Black Jack Darth Vader. He also thinks they should hide the Wentworth Deathstar Plans there. The vacation paradise is run by Mrs. Jabba the Fitz, who is a personal friend of Colum Yoda. When they arrive, Jamie Han McSolo is greeted warmly by Mrs. Jabba the Fitz.
Mrs. Jabba the Fitz takes Princess Claire Leia to prepare her for presentation to Himself, Colum Yoda. She dresses her in the clothing appropriate to the place and time. It takes many hours to peal away all the layers, but the result is worth it. They hide the Wentworth Deathstar Plan on Princess Claire Leia, but I can’t imagine where.
Fluke is so happy to see his mentor Yoda, he hardly notices Princess Claire Leia’s “new look”, but Jamie Han McSolo is stopped in his tracks! Although Princess Claire Leia thinks the outfit is inappropriate for battling the evil empire, she does like the way Jamie Han McSolo is noticing her. “I think he could tickle my fancy!”
Colum Yoda yells, “Hormones, enough already!” Fluke says, “What hoor moans? I don’t hear anything.” Mrs. Jabba the Fitz groans and rolls her eyes. Yoda says, “Pull ourselves together, we must, If Nutlandia we wish to save!” Princess Claire Leia and Jamie Han McSolo readjust their clothing and turn to listen. Murtaugh Chewbacca says (in Wookie talk), “We have the Wentworth Death Star Plan, what can Black Jack Darth Vadar do to us?” Jamie Han McSolo squirms in his seat. Just then, Black Jack Darth Vader enters the resort. Jamie Han McSolo runs to the bathroom.
BJDV (Black Jack Darth Vader) captures Princess Claire Leia and threatens to rip the buns off her head with a mallet unless he gets one or both of his demands. Here’s the reaction of the group:
And from the restroom:
Just then, Dougal Obi Wan hands Jamie Han McSolo a hand towel.
Dougal Obi Wan suggested that Jamie Han McSolo sacrifice himself for the cause. After all, buggering isn’t so bad. Jamie Han McSolo says, “I agree, but no tip for you!” So, Jamie Han McSolo saves Princess Claire Leia and Nutlandia by offering himself up to Black Jack Darth Vader.
Black Jack Darth Vader, struck by lust induced euphoria, breaks into song and dance!
The Nutlandians dance Black Jack Darth Vader into a Leochan Escape Pod, and send him off to nowhere!
Meanwhile back at Planet Leoch, Princess Claire Leia runs to Jamie Han McSolo and thanks him for saving her from Black Jack Darth Vader ripping her buns off. They share a few drinks…
Princess Claire Leia and her rag tag team of adventurers, has restored Nutlandia to its former glory, but there are many questions left unanswered
Will Black Jack Darth Vadar make it to 1743 and find Jamie?
Why is the Winnebago rocking when Princess Claire Leia and Jamie Han McSolo are in it?
Will Colum Yoda and Mrs. Jabba the Fitz get married? Will they open a bed, breakfast and brothel on Planet Leoch? Oh wait, I think that’s what they have.
Where is Murtaugh Chewbacca while the lovers are tickling her fancy in the Winnebago?
Will Princess Claire Leia get cirrhosis of the liver?
Are Angus 3CPO and Rupert R2D2 gay robotic lovers?
What about Fluke?
Just then Dougal Obi Wan appears and leads Fluke into the bathroom.
Dougal Obi Wan Kenobi puts his arm over Fluke’s shoulders, hands him a hand towel, and says, “Fluke, there will be many more uses for the force in the future, that I have yet to explain to you. Forget about Princess Claire Leia! She’s your twin sister anyway!”
Fluke says, “Ew”. (We are not sure whether he is more disgusted by having to learn “new uses for the force” with Dougal Obi Wan or getting to second base with his sister!) Go figure…
We want to thank all of the Fritters who have faithfully supported the Church of Heughanology in the past year! Having your appreciation and suggestions has been invaluable. We will be publishing a “Best of CoH” posting in the next few days. Submit any of your personal favorites to —–
NEVER HAVE SO MANY LAUGHED SO MUCH AT SO LITTLE