In a recent Twitter convo, several people were expressing their concern that Outlander had become an addiction. I decided to explore just how that happens, so I can encourage others to become addicted. Then I can start the Outlander Addiction Anonymous and meet weekly for support. This is a tactic aimed at surviving “Droughtlander, Part Deux”.
If you review the Church of Heughanology by-laws, the behaviors and terms described apply (even though they describe activities related to the adoration of Sam Heughan). He has become a huge piece of the addiction problem. In addition, here are some other symptoms:
1) This is an @BoolaBeulah symptom, but all of us have done this in one form or another. She has tabbed all of her copies of the series books so she can find favorite passages and parts of the story. (Hot pink tabs are for the hot sex scene.) In addition she has added appropriate pictures from the first season of Starz’ Outlander to the tabbed sections. And she has set up an Outlander Shrine in her home.
2. All of the women followers (and some men, I’m sure) want to be like Claire. So they have started saying “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ” in public places in front of people who might get shocked by it ( priest, minister, the church ladies, Republicans, Girl Scouts, you get my drift). They also say words & phrases like “Bloody” “I’ll throttle you!” or “You’re a fooking sadistic monster!” to their masseuse. All of them have a sgian-dubhs attached somewhere, and have taken to wearing a bum-roll and a corset.
3. All of the men followers (and some women, I’m sure) want to be like Jamie. They are wearing their hair longer and getting it dyed red. They say things like “Mary, St. Michael and Bride!” and “Crack!” in lieu of swearing and are taking their shirts off as often as possible. Going commando has become de rigueur whether wearing a kilt or not. Some are even trying to wear a dirk and a broadsword to work. Their parting words before they leave for work are, “Je Suis Prete!”
4. The internet is reporting high levels of Outlander related searches, from all over the world, and beyond. Addicts spend inordinate amounts of time on the internet. Recently however searches are predominantly Starz, related i.e. Mill Pond Jamie, BJR and his Dangling Participle, Claire & Jamie on the rug in the Reckoning, and even Gellis Duncan doing the midsummer nights’ bump and grind to eliminate her husband and Moira Duncan. No one wants to see Leg Hair’s bewbs.
So if you are exhibiting any of these symptoms, you are well on your way to perma-addiction to Outlander! Since we don’t think addiction to Outlander is a bad thing, we offer some tips to sustain it.
12 steps to insure your addiction
1. Begin at the beginning. Read all 8 books in the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon. Then re-read them and re-read them and re-read them. Then read the Lord John Grey Series, Outlandish Companion, and the other novellas Diana has written surrounding the series. Amazon will adore you!
2. Join an on-line group that discusses the Outlander Series Books at least once a day. They can be found on Twitter, Tumbler, Facebook, et all. Additional podcasts and live tweets can enhance your knowledge. This will insure that Outlander will never be far from your mind!
3. Start using all of the key phrases in your day to day life, such as “Thank you, truly” or “Cockstand” or ” I shall serve ye well” or “Aye” or “I ken” or “Tulach Ard!” People will look at you funny, but it will just be an opportunity to talk to them about Outlander. If they never heard of it, you can tell them about Outlander for as long as they’ll let you. If they are already familiar, you have a new friend you can talk with! Win-Win
4. Get the Videos for Season One of the Starz’ Outlander series or watch on Amazon. Watch often, memorize parts and add new lines to your Outlander vocabulary such as “I wouldn’t mind grinding your corn” or “You’re a real Bob Hope”.
5. Master your abilities to hone in on specific parts of the TV series. Learning how to use, fast forward, rewind, slow motion, et al, is important to the true addict.
6. Check daily for Outlander news on the internet or of anyone to do with Outlander. I hear Andrew Finnie has built up quite a following merely being the driver who takes Sam and Cait around Scotland when necessary. We all hope he will spill some secret news so we can find out more about our favorite stars. Some people have actually gone on tour of Scotland to meet the cast. Usually they only meet the people who saw the Outlander trucks going through the village to the next site. Its easier to spend about 4-5 hours per day trolling the internet for information. Remember, everything on the internet is true!
7. Review You-Tube for countless Jamie and Clair, Outlander, and Sam and Cait fan videos. In addition there are interviews that you can see. Many of these are very well done and can throw you into a swoon, when you are feeling bereft of Outlander stimulation. Here are a couple of my favs for your pleasure:
8. Get to know (on a personal level) any and all people affiliated with Outlander (books and TV). If you do, you will feel a deeper connection. Be aware, however, they will probably not meet all of your needs and you could get “fed up” with the “in crowd”. Never fear, there is always the books and videos to bring back the OL feeling.
9. Combine two or more addictions! Time is an important commodity and when it comes to addictions, getting more bang for your buck is key. Many OL fans have adapted their other addictions in order to enjoy both! There are OL crafts, crochet, baking, fan art, fan stories and poetry, historical studies, Genealogy charts, sewing, knitting, dancing, drinking competitions, and sex clinics (started by the Scottish cousins of Masters and Johnson, so all people can have Jamie and Claire sex for real). Whatever your addiction, creative people can combine it with Outlander!
11. Get Sam and Cait mixed up with their roles as Jamie and Claire. This is a key step in your addiction. You will spend countless hours watching for signs that they really dig each other. The meme below is a prime example. Why would Sam be interested in ogling Cait’s bewbs when he has stared. tasted, fondled, licked, kissed, and squeezed them already? Fools! Oh wait, that’s my meme.
12. Addiction is a disease. Admitting you have one is not the first step, its probably comes a little later in the process. You need to understand how it is affecting your daily functioning. When Outlander interferes with real life, you know you have reached your ultimate addiction. This could be a curvature of the spine, resulting from poor posture in chairs while reading or using the computer. Or it could result in separation because you called out Jamie’s name while having sex with Herman 22 times. Or it could result in your Mother not remembering your name (which could be Dementia, but probably not. Most likely, it is because you haven’t visited in a year). How far your addiction goes, is up to you. Hopefully you will keep a little reality for the future. When Outlander finally ends….who will be there for you?