Norma D is proud to announce that Sam H. and the Church of Heughanology have formed a production company. They plan to remake several past hit TV shows and movies , just like the unimaginative Hollywood people are doing everywhere. The partnership is called Not So Glamourous Image Productions. As soon as we have distributors, we will announce release dates. All photos are the talented work of @HolaasSandy.
Last time I reported on several projects. No further updates, but here are some new ones IN THE WORKS, Part Deux:
Sam was contacted due to his fabulous physique, to play in the movie “The Ape Man meets Jane of Lallybrook“. Sam plays a human raised by apes who falls for a rich glamorous English socialite (those apes are no dummies). Although almost naked, he saves her from vicious crocodiles and she loses her clothes, too. It’s a repeat of Outlander episode 107, when he eyes those bewbs. (never can see that enough). Jane asks if he’s ever seen a naked woman before, and the Ape Man looks at her dumbfounded because he cannot speak English. Can you say “bewbs”? I play the Love Interest.
The next project is a remake of that great TV Show “Superman of Metropolis“. Sam plays an alien who comes to earth as a baby, is named Clark and is raised by farmers, the Kents. He rides a hay wagon to the Big City (Metropolis) and discovers his immense powers! Even though he never learned to read and write, he is hired by the city newspaper, the Daily Planet, just because he looks good in a suit. There he meets Lois Lane, an ambitious reporter. After a night of drinking, she persuades him to wear a stretch Leotard and pose as a Super Hero for her He likes the outfit and wears it under his suit every day until he becomes a real super hero. Of course due to her inebriation, Lois doesn’t realize Clark is Superman because of the incredibly camouflaged glasses he wears at work. (Perhaps not a crack reporter after all). I play the Love Interest.
Our next film will be a remake of that famous movie about the founding of
Wing and a Prayer Airline, called “The Pilot and his Angel”. Sam plays a crack WWI pilot who starts a crop dusting company when he returns. After he fails due to machine gunning the crops, an angel steers him on the right course. They start off flying farm animals to slaughter. The idea is successful, because all he does is shove them out of the plane and its done. Fast and Clean.
As his reputation grows, the angel suggests he fly real pigs and chicks(humans) from place to place for obnoxious fees. They figure they can make them stand in corrals, and enter the plane one by one as their number is called. Minimal mooing, oinking and clucking is allowed. He develops jet travel. Wing and A Prayer Airline takes off and makes him rich. However, in the end he becomes a hermit germophobe and the angel has to come in to clip his nails. There is no love interest, I play the Angel.
Also in the works, is a remake of “Samson and that Hair Cutting Bitch, Delilah“. Sam plays a man who relies on his brawn and long lustrous hair to get by in life. He meets the temptress, Delilah, who ends up cutting his hair and adding the extensions to her own . He becomes a weak shadow of his former self and is held captive by her until his hair grows back. Delilah has her way with him until he can break free of the shackles she has placed on him. As he stalks off into the sunset, Delilah cries, “But I left your family jewels intact!” I play the Temptress Love Interest.
My favorite project is the remake of our next film, “A Night to Remember that I Let You Freeze in the Water When the Titanic Went Down”.
Sam plays a poor boy who is in steerage on a fancy, unsinkable ocean liner. He meets a beautiful rich socialite who poses nude(except for a beautiful diamond and sapphire necklace) for him so he can draw her, even though she is a virgin. When ( you guessed it) the ocean liner sinks in the coldest water ever, she lets him hold up her raft until he freezes to death. Then 70 years later she goes back to get her necklace. I play the love interest socialite.
Next film is a combination adventure-comedy where Sam gets to show off his bow and arrow skills learned in his movie, “A Princess for Christmas”. The remake will be called , “How Robin Hood Screwed the Sheriff of Nottingham and Maid Marion at the Same Time“
Sam plays a forest outlaw who is really a wealthy landowner who is trying to screw up the plans of the Sheriff of Nottingham to marry Maid Marion . He is also involved in something about returning King Richard to the throne of England. Are all of these historic romances based on Outlander?
Our final project before Outlander Season 2 starts filming, will be a musical remake of “I Came A Lot in Camelot” the story of the star crossed lovers, Lancelot and Guinevere. Like Richard Burton on stage, Sam plans to say his songs rather than sing them. Sam plays a Knight of the Round Table who has the misfortune to fall in love with King Arthurs wife, Guinevere, After countless nights of rampant sex and clandestine meetings, the lovers are caught and Sam is removed from the roundtable and forced to sit at the square one. His final song says:
I know it gives me quite a pause
But in Camelot, I came a lot
Despite the legal laws
The queen may never swive upon the hillside
By nine PM her underwear must re-appear
In short, there’s simply not a more inconvenient spot
For happily after glowing than here in Camelot